and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
