my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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