he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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