porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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