sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
