i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
