i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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