my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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