is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
