every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
