I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
