Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
