I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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