This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
