i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
