dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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