..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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