DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
