Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
