she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
