Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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