i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
