So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
