So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
