you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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