I got chris browned last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is the high leading the old right now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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