I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Randomize
