thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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