Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
