Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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