Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
