I feel great
I just peed on a car
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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