I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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