Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
