All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
