Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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