I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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