My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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