I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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