OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
