So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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