i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
