ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
