You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
