i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
