Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
