I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
