I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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