My brain says no but my pants say off.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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