we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
