Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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