what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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