I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
