When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
