You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
