One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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