Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
