I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
