Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
