Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
