they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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