you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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