Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
