Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
