I just pynch a tree in the face
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
