my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
