Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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