Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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