did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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