Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
