she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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