The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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